I Can't Get Started by Billie Holiday and Lester Young
I spent a good part of this morning indulging in the decadence of late-capitalism, watching highlights from the 2022 Westminster Dog Show, where saggy-necked Trumpet the Bloodhound won Best in Show, defeating, among others, Belle the English Setter, River the German Shepherd (terrible name), Winston the French Bulldog (pretentious name), and Hollywood the Maltese (ew). Carrie Underwood, winner of the fourth season of American Idol, once said, “the more boys I meet the more I love dogs.” I wonder, though, if she’d ever met Hollywood the Maltese or Winston the French Bulldog, and if she’d still feel that way afterward. They do seem like conceited pricks, those two. That’d be a good game show, Would You Rather Date a Man From Los Angeles or a Show Dog From New York? We’d need to talk to a producer and figure out a better title.
When the judges announced Trumpet's name as Best in Show, his trainer kissed him on the cheek. Trumpet sighed and then blinked. Even as a dog-lover and dog-owner myself, ever-faithful to the notion that dogs deserve more credit than due for how much they know, understand, and feel, I can tell you with confidence that no matter how wonderfully sentient he is, Trumpet had no fucking clue what was going on. Well, good for Trumpet, maybe he won't have to bother with annoying training exercises for a while. I do fear for the other dogs, though. Their masters did not look happy.
Anyway, when the overwhelming, nonsensical, unfathomable, too-questionable-to-even-be-questionable, nature of contemporary culture begins to gnaw at my spirit and catapult me into a form of melancholic desolation, I’ve always found relief in the voice of Billie Holiday. Hopefully, today, Billie will bring you a similar sense of consolation for whatever may get underneath your skin.
Perhaps, of course, Billie and her ilk aren’t your choice for a portal to catharsis, to a peaceful sense of clarity. If so, what is? I really would love to know.
I don’t, however, care what your favorite breed of dog is.